I was just sitting here having a conversation with someone on yahoo messenger and he started asking me sum questions about chilling and if he tried to take things a lil further but he never specified if he meant now or in the future after gettin to know one another better, immediately that was a turn off in his book and he got mad at me for tellin him that i needed to get to know him first. Well, I needed that to be clear just in case. So we got into this minute argument that was just so stupid because he doesnt realize that just cuz he is cute, he aint shit! I refuse to let him talk to me any kind of way, and that must be what he is used to, but I dont have time for that dumb shit. I mean he really got my blood boiling right now, and instantly I feel back into a stupor as I listened to Teach Me and thought about someone very special in my life. Right now Im kinda crying thinking about how much easier my life would be if my special someone was really mine. I want him to realize that he was the one that taught me what the meaning of true love is. He was the one that taught me how to appreciate it and cherish it. I want him to continue to be that love, but i want us to share it. I dunno y Im so emotional right now, it might have alot to do with the fact that i've been single for a lil' over a year and no one seems to reach out to me and touch me the way he did in the beginning. He just was a random guy that caught my interest, he turned out to be someone very special. I wish that if it is just impossible to get him back that I could find a ginuine guy, cuz Im sick of being alone and dealing with the stupidity of RANDOM NIGGAS! I'm not a picky person and my standards are not very high, so y is it so hard for me? I wish I knew the answer.....but I dont. Well, I have to go to work in a lil less than six hours, so lemme try to get some sleep. G'nite. 

Man! I just laid the conversation killing bomb! Read the convo:

Cheie: My cuz asked bout u today too. lol Cuz I just really left ova there and she asked how u were and if we were still talkin, and i said he's good, and no we dont talk anymore
"HIM": Wow im gone need 4 u 2 see ya ppl more that was a while ago
Cherie: REALLY?!?! lol
Cherie: She doesn't stay at her moms house anymore, so I rarely see her, plus my mom and my aunt been beefin since about the time u met them. everybody JUST got kool again. lol
"HIM": Lol family hood beef
Cherie: lol..hush!
"HIM": Lmao
"HIM": Ahhh the good days
Cherie: what good ole days? lol
"HIM": The ride out 2 the woods with u and ya fam lol
Cherie: lol...yea. those were the good days..... I miss those days

THAT is where the conversation ended. Did I say something too drastic? DANG! Its like I dropped a bomb or something. It has been an hour and a half since I said that and he STILL hasnt said anything else to me. Im like dang, my bad for just voicing my thoughts. That kinds hurts though honestly...... BUT! It did feel good to see/hear him say that he riding out 2 the woods with me and my fam were the good days...

Well, I was just sitting in my room, watching T.V. and talking on the phone, when I realized one reason why I didn't kiss u when we were together..........I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FRENCH KISS!!!!! I realized that although I had kissed sumone before, I had never actually learned to "french". I was afraid that you would want to kiss me like that and I wouldn't know how to and you wouldn't want to be with me anymore. I was sooooo inexperienced back then. That is one reason why I was so shy around you. I would have felt way more awkward than I already did, and I just didnt want you to think I was stupid or something. I cared so much about what/how you thought about me that I tried to make sure everything I did was "perfect" just to keep you around, but in reality may have been a factor that drove you away. See one thing is, I never faked who I am just to get you or to try to keep you, that part about me has always been and still is real. I just want to be the one person you can count on to make you happy. I've always wanted to be the one to scoop you off your feet and have you caught up in a whirlwind of my love. I want you to feel what I feel for you. You've blogged and written about the kind of girl you say you want and looking back on myself, I see that in me. I dont try to be that girl, I AM that WOMAN. I just wish you could see it.